Birthday Blues


On Monday, I turned 29 years old. I feel very lucky to have such an amazing group of family and friends that made me feel special that day. I received tons of phone calls, emails, gifts, texts and Facebook messages from everyone I love and truly care about. But to be honest, every year on my birthday, I can't help but feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. There is nothing logical about this feeling. I am healthy and strong. I am surrounded by people that care about me. And yet, on a day that I am supposed to be celebrating and basking in the attention that Leos tend to love, I experience a fight or flight sensation that doesn't ease up until the day after my birthday.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and trying to understand why I go through this. When I was a teenager and up until my early 20s, I had a list of goals I expected to accomplish before turning 30. Some of the big ones included being married, working in the music industry and living in New York. But life hasn't exactly worked out that way and with the exception of moving to New York five years ago (and loving it), I haven't accomplished the goals I once felt were important to me. I don't work for a record label or music magazine and granted, I no longer even want to work in music, but the point is, somewhere along the way, my path changed its course. And I should be okay with that. I am excited about what I do now. I'm in a creative industry and work with some of the most talented people I've ever met. And as far as relationships go, I meet my fair share of date-worthy gents. Nowhere near marriage, but that's okay. The beauty about living in this city is that new and exciting things happen everyday.

I feel like I have a positive outlook on this now, when just a few days ago, I was panicked at the thought of being one year away from 30. 30-year-olds are adults! And I don't necessarily feel like one most of the time. Which I suppose is a good thing because time does fly and before I know it, I'll be wishing I was a young 29-year-old. Right?

How about you guys? Do any of you ever go through the birthday blues?

(Pictures via Laura Makabresku via Aubrey Road)

5 comments:

AbbieBabble :

Happy belated, birthday mate! I turned 26 on Monday.

It's funny, as I get older, I find myself getting a little freaked out with coming birthdays. (I can only imagine how I'll feel when I turn 80!) Last year, to combat that feeling, I made a list of goals for myself to accomplish in the year that I was 25. Not like those "before I'm 30" goals, which are big and overwhelming, but little ones, lists of fun things I wanted to do (like see live music 6 times, or buy an SLR- which I just did for my 26th birthday present!) It's amazing at how much that has helped me with the birthday blues- there is so much to look forward to about the age that I am now, you know?

Lynn {hearted girl} :

awe Lisa, happy belated lades! i understand your mixed emotions completely. listen up, you are in the twenties still and i can say this for sure, they are all about developing your deal breakers and setting the tethers up for where you want the next 10 or so to sail off from. you have accomplished so much girl, i have no doubt that if you really got the last few under a microscope the inspection would add up and up. you're in a funk, i feel ya but you know what. try jotting down each time you're having a good day, the ones where bright eyes shine. write them on a notepad or what have you every time they occur. then next year when you are about to hit the 3's you'll have cold, hard evidence about what you've done, where you've been and how awesome you truly are!

cheerleading ova heah for you!!!!! i know it's dull sometimes inside and the heart is so tender for us girly girls, feel validated on that point for sure. sometimes it's also something we just have to go through as part of our inner essence to be refined. let it happen but take those notes too. when i had a big bad blues b-day a gf suggested i do all the planning for it myself. she said make your own "birthday happy!" and i did. it was actually the best one i'd had. the whole week was stuff i liked to do with peeps i liked to do it with. took the edge off.

sorry for the looong comment but i'm so wanting you to feel backed up about this. many blessings! xoox ♥

Lisa Michelle Cifuentes :

Thank you for the awesome and positive messages, ladies! I definitely feel much better than I did earlier in the week and I know I have so much to look forward to! I really appreciate your kind words!!

And Abbie! We are birthday twins!! Hope you had a good day! ♥

Wander.Lust :

I totally feel you on the birthday blues, I get that same anxiety every year on mine! but hope you had a great day xoxo

Katie*Belle :

Happy birthday first of all! But I know what you mean about this anxiety. I turned 30 this year but I think it was scarier to turn 29. There's so much expectation -- much of it that we put on ourselves -- to achieve certain things and become certain people by these milestones. The weird thing is I often feel the same as I did when I was 13 or 17 -- or any age, really! I think we should all concentrate on being our awesome selves and regard the age thing as just one more number in our lives, if this makes any sense : )

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